Grace in Death

It is no secret that I am deeply enthralled with God's grace.  I love sharing about God's grace in my life; how it has changed me and given me passion.  It just makes me smile!

Today it hit me, I don't often think about what had to happen for me to experience God's grace directly.

I grew up in Christian church culture.  To say that I have heard the Good Friday and Easter stories numerous times would be an understatement.  For goodness sakes, I became a missionary which in simple terms means I am supposed to share those stories with other people!  I should not be surprised that the message of Good Friday and Easter has kind of lost its fervor on my heart.

It is familiar.  And when things get too familiar, they get boring.

Honestly, I was starting to get a little bored with the idea of grace.

Admitting those things kinda makes me feel like the worst Christian on the planet.

But I know I'm not.  Because I know other people get bored with the real meaning of Easter too.  That's why we paint eggs, eat lots of candy, have brunch with family and other silly Easter traditions.  We get bored with Jesus on a cross.  We get tired of saying "He is Risen."  I get tired of how fake Easter feels...

I think we get bored because we don't really like to let the cross affect us.  We get bored with it because the deep reality of Jesus taking on all the messiness of human life is uncomfortable.  It pricks something in our hearts that reminds us that life is not our own.  If Jesus really DID go through that much torture and pain all out of love...then I feel really foolish for how I act.

I don't like feeling foolish.  Or like I have made mistakes.  And let's face it, Good Friday, when really felt, kinda slaps you in the face.

Ouch.

Jesus' death is the whole reason we have grace.  I like having grace that doesn't make come face to face with my mistakes.  Which is unfortunately not how this works.  Crap.

I wish I could skip right over Good Friday, go straight to Easter.  Put on a new dress and a smile and pretend like I am perfect.  But I am not.

Thanks to the cross I am redeemed.  I am holy.  I am God's daughter.  But I think I need my heart to feel the weight of Jesus' death a little more.  I don't want Easter to be fake this year, just something I do to get  extra "Christian Points."  I want to wrestle with the events of Good Friday.  So that when I celebrate Easter I can say that my burdens are really dead at the cross.  I am not clinging to my messy life any more, pretending that I'm not bored with the message of God's grace.

I want to feel the effect of grace again.  Deeply.

So I can celebrate that Jesus is alive.  Forever.

Scars of the Heart

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature.  A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with.

-Harry Crews

I was having a conversation on Sunday with a dear friend about hurt, sin and scars.  "I am not bitter anymore about this scar on my elbow from falling, or this scar here from a medical procedure," I explained.  "I don't even feel them anymore."

I went to bed that night thinking about my physical scars, remember the pain I experienced with every single one.  I hardly ever think about them anymore, nor do I notice them.  Each has their own tale that weaves into the greater story of who Mallory is.  Some are from chasing a boy and tripping on a dirt road.  Others are from slipping on gravel while riding my bike.  My knees are covered in scars from having warts removed (gross I know).  

Physical scars almost seem easier than emotional ones, scars on the heart.  You can watch them heal.  Its common knowledge on how to treat a fresh wound and the appropriate steps to make sure you are left with the smallest scar possible.  Its not that easy when your heart is wounded.  Emotional wounds seem never ending.  

Physical scars once healed simply just hold memories.  You can touch it, look at it, poke it and you won't  open up the wound again.  Its healed.  The pain is gone.

Emotional scars are forever wounds.  You can heal, move on, but if you look at your scarred heart the wound can reopen.  The worst is when someone else touches the scar, and how quickly it reopens and floods your heart in old pain.

Scars of the heart are precious tales of where sin and grace converge in our life.  They are dark corners of our heart we only reveal to those we trust the most.  And when someone reveals their heart scars to you it is a gift to be cherished.  

My heart scars will always be the best parts of me, but they will also cause me the most pain.  Over and over.  It is only in sharing those scars with other people that they will cease to hurt us.  Instead of making us vulnerable, they will make us stronger.

No More Wasted Film

In old photo cameras — you know, the ones with film — you have to concentrate on every shot, every frame, because you paid for some 24 exposures, and there are no do-overs. But today's digital cameras are an endless blank slate, where the number of shots you can take seem limitless and mistakes are erased with a click. -TIME Magazine

One of the many things that the next generation of children will never experience is the sound of rewinding film.  The skill it took to take a great picture.  With digital cameras all the rage, I cannot help but wonder if this ability to capture every moment of life and delete it with just as much ease is impacting how people approach life.  Myself included.

I remember a time when some thought went into whether I was going to act a certain way.  I knew I only had a limited number of chances and definitely did not want to waste them on bad memories.  Wasted film.

Now, our technology has advanced so far that we can try and try again to get the perfect shot.  No more wasted film.  Granted, I love my digital camera and carry it every where with me.  I take more pictures because I can always delete something I don't like.  I could argue that it helps teach me how to be a better photographer because I am learning from my mistakes.  But am I really?  My albums on Facebook are full of out-of-focus, crooked pictures, I'm still as terrible as I always have been.

Everyday I am faced with many different decisions.  More often than not I have a digital camera philosophy on how I choose to react.  "It does not matter how many mistakes I make, God's grace covers all and deletes them from my past"  Really, I am telling myself that I can take as many pictures as I want, whether good or bad and because God loves me I can "delete" what I want from my life.

How messed up is that?  Yes, God's grace is awesome and will always cover us.  But is that really the best mentality to have?

I know by writing this I am not going to change the way I act the minute I hit "publish post."  And tonight I will probably make a series of these decisions all over again.  But I do miss the days of film.  I miss the pressure of choosing my pictures wisely so that I got the most that I could out of that roll of film.    I think going digital has caused me, and probably lots of other people, to go lazy on how they approach life.  I only wish I knew how to motivate myself to try harder.

Photo courtesy of OeilDeNuit



Read more: http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,2011482_2011480_2011466,00.html#ixzz0x4U7dO81