Friday, April 22, 2011
Grace in Death
Today it hit me, I don't often think about what had to happen for me to experience God's grace directly.
I grew up in Christian church culture. To say that I have heard the Good Friday and Easter stories numerous times would be an understatement. For goodness sakes, I became a missionary which in simple terms means I am supposed to share those stories with other people! I should not be surprised that the message of Good Friday and Easter has kind of lost its fervor on my heart.
It is familiar. And when things get too familiar, they get boring.
Honestly, I was starting to get a little bored with the idea of grace.
Admitting those things kinda makes me feel like the worst Christian on the planet.
But I know I'm not. Because I know other people get bored with the real meaning of Easter too. That's why we paint eggs, eat lots of candy, have brunch with family and other silly Easter traditions. We get bored with Jesus on a cross. We get tired of saying "He is Risen." I get tired of how fake Easter feels...
I think we get bored because we don't really like to let the cross affect us. We get bored with it because the deep reality of Jesus taking on all the messiness of human life is uncomfortable. It pricks something in our hearts that reminds us that life is not our own. If Jesus really DID go through that much torture and pain all out of love...then I feel really foolish for how I act.
I don't like feeling foolish. Or like I have made mistakes. And let's face it, Good Friday, when really felt, kinda slaps you in the face.
Jesus' death is the whole reason we have grace. I like having grace that doesn't make come face to face with my mistakes. Which is unfortunately not how this works. Crap.
I wish I could skip right over Good Friday, go straight to Easter. Put on a new dress and a smile and pretend like I am perfect. But I am not.
Thanks to the cross I am redeemed. I am holy. I am God's daughter. But I think I need my heart to feel the weight of Jesus' death a little more. I don't want Easter to be fake this year, just something I do to get extra "Christian Points." I want to wrestle with the events of Good Friday. So that when I celebrate Easter I can say that my burdens are really dead at the cross. I am not clinging to my messy life any more, pretending that I'm not bored with the message of God's grace.
I want to feel the effect of grace again. Deeply.
So I can celebrate that Jesus is alive. Forever.