That's All I am Asking

One month ago a childhood friend came to me.  "I want to take you on a date."  I hemmed and hawed, but eventually replied, "I will give you one date, just one."  He replied, "That's all I am asking."

Dinner and a movie with slight undertones of awkwardness came and went.  A few days later he said to me, "I want to date you."  I thought and prayed, listened to my heart.  Replied to his anxious heart, "I will date you, let you pursue me, but I will not be your girlfriend just yet." He answered, "That's all I am asking."

Over the next few weeks we learned about our love of building things together.  We also became addicted to Ben & Jerry's ice cream and Salsa Verde.  Legos, puzzles, grocery store trips, LOST...somewhere in there we found something special.

Late one night my phone rang. "Will you be my girlfriend?" "Yes," I immediately replied. "I have no idea where this will go, but I want to be your girlfriend."

"That's all I am asking."

Happy one month since our first date, Dev!  You make me smile and feel so loved.  Thanks for being patient with my heart.  I can't wait to see where this goes!  Go Rockies!

I Don't Need It

I read a blog the other day that while I was reading shrugged off as incredibly simple and full of things I already knew.  However, as time has gone on my mind continues to ponder what was written.  Maybe I did know what the author had stated, but had I really taken the truths to heart?  Definitely not.

The blog is all about using your time as a single woman wisely, not waiting around for God to bring a man into your life like some worn out fairy tale.  Yes, this is all information I had heard before growing up in church.  But this lady took a different approach, she used scripture to back herself up.  And then based on scripture she asks four questions:

• Do I trust that he has ordained my days? (Psalm 139: 5, 6, 16)
• Do I trust that he supplies all I need? (Matthew 6:32)
• Do I trust that never will he leave me or forsake me? (Joshua 1:5)
• Do I trust that who I am in Christ defines me? (Colossians 2:10)

I asked myself those same four questions.  So I REALLY truly believe that God has ordained my days on this earth?  Do I REALLY truly trust that He supplies all I need?  Yes, yes in my human flesh I do trust those things about God.  

If I am trying to just hang on until I get married and don’t accept my singleness in this season, then I am saying that these days that God has ordained are not enough, that he made a mistake and is a liar.

Whoh.  I don't believe that God makes mistakes or is a liar, so my only option is to really trust that He is the way He says He is.

The simple truth is that he takes care of my every need and provides all that I need—if I don’t have it, I don’t need it. And I can rest in this because I know he is a loving God.

That statement really hit home with me. If I don't have it, then I don't need it. You have no idea how many times I have caught myself repeating that sentence in my head. And you know what, it has brought me a lot of peace. God knows exactly what I need and when and if He hasn't given me something, including a spouse, then I don't need it. How freeing is that? God sees me, just as I am, and doesn't think I need anyone else in my life to make me better. In the words of Bridgett Jones, "He likes me just as I am." 

Being here in Poland as a single woman has really put me face to face with actually being single.  In the first month or so, it was rough.  I felt that longing, the desire to have someone to talk to and love on.  Someone who knows me inside and out.  But obviously it wasn't what God wanted for me right now and my heart was kind of bitter about that.  

God keeps bringing up the topic of dating and marriage in my life so it has been very hard to ignore.  A number of my good friends are getting married this year, or are dating someone.  As I talk to each of them about their relationships, God talks to me.  He reaches down into the inner most part of my heart that longs to be married and if I don't fight back He brings peace.  

I don't know what the future holds for me and relationships.  I have had some great ones and some terrible ones.  They taught me a lot about life and love.  All I know is that when God looks at me He does not see me as "single."  He sees me as HIS daughter, redeemed by grace.  And right now, I just need to wait and rest in that for a little while.  You know, until God tells me to do something else.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. 

John 14:27

Crayons

Life is like a box of crayons.  Most people are the 8-color boxes, but you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back.  I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing.  It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal.  I have a bit of a problem though in that  can only meet 8-color boxes.  Does anyone else have that problem?  I mean there are so many different colors of life of feeling, of articulation.  So when I mean someone who's an 8-color type, I'm like, "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "no - I want magenta!" -John  Mayer

I have had a lot of conversations around the topic of dating lately.  Whether its one friend who is smitten with a new boy, a supervisor frustrated with how dating is handled in the church, or just someone who needs to share their heart.  Dating has been a hot topic these days.  I mean, its not surprising.  Entering my mid-twenties with two years of singledom behind me, sometimes dating looks pretty gosh darn amazing.  Many of my friends are still single as well, although that number is decreasing daily, which means dating is pretty much always on our minds...ok maybe not always.

For the sake of clarity, to me dating usually means going out with one person, getting to know them on a deeper level.  Now, that is very vague, I know.  Normally when I use the term "dating" it is referring to a boyfriend/girlfriend type relationship.  However I know many people just use the term "dating" to mean something more casual.  One or two dates with a person, per se.  For the sake of this post, I am going to use the term to refer to the more casual kind of dating.  Got it, ok good.  Moving on.  :-)

The problem I have found with dating is exactly what the quote above described.  I seem to meet mainly 8-color boxes.  And they always think I am great (not to sound all awesome, this is just what I have observed).  It's great when people think you are the coolest thing ever, but let's face it when you want to dive in and use a different color to express yourself...they get stuck with their "green" and "blue" and "yellow."  Which will do the trick on the surface, but sometimes you need that "Asparagus" and "Blizzard Blue" and "Laser Lemon."  Who wants to spend their life with someone who only has 8 colors at their disposal, especially when you have 64!

8-color boxes are usually very loyal types, which is awesome.  But the mark they leave on the world isn't very great because they only have a few colors to work with.  I want to color the world with "Purple Pizzazz" and "Outerspace" and "Mango Tango."  Use the gifts and colors that God gave to me.  Maybe I do look pretty great to an 8-color box, but when I whip out my "Vivid Violet" and he whips out "yellow" instead of the more awesome "unmellow yellow" to color with me I'll be left feeling silly that I didn't just pull out "purple" and make it easier.

I guess I say all this because I am tired of being surrounded by 8-color boxes.  Granted, not everyone I know is an 8-color box.  I know some awesome 64-color boxes and life is never boring with them.  In fact, I even know a couple 96-color boxes.  Man, those people are just legendary.

Sadly, I can see myself settling for an 8-color box and just calling it good.  You know, just for the sake of having something rather than nothing.  But the more I think about only using 8 of the colors God gave me for the rest of my life seems like the worst punishment ever.  No thanks.  I'm gonna sit right here and keep coloring my world with 64-colors and someday God will introduce me to someone who he is like, "hey girl, how do you feel about Razzmatazz?"  And I'm just gonna smile...