A couple weeks ago a very dear friend of mine hurt me. Not intentionally. But it happened. Hurt my heart in one of its most tender areas. Sucky.
As the days go on the pain of someone else's actions slowly fade, but they are turning into bitterness. Frustration and anger toward one of my favorite people on earth.
Every day I look at my phone and contemplate sending a text, leaving a voicemail to say I am sorry. To say I don't want you out of my life despite what went down a few weeks ago.
But I cannot bring myself to do it.
Somehow I have convinced myself that the longer I hold onto bitterness the more pain I am causing the person I am bitter against. The longer I withhold contact maybe, just maybe we will be even on the hurt front.
I have been here many times before. Lost friendships because I cannot let go of the hurt and bitterness. Truth of the matter is, I am only hurting myself.
Here I am, in limbo. Do I let go of the bitterness and open myself up to friendship again. Or do I let go of the friendship because it is just too painful?
Today I have the chance to be raw and vulnerable in the most beautiful way possible. I have a chance at forgiveness.
Question is will I take it?
Over and over I think I'm punishing someone else when i withhold my presence. While it may be true on some level, it's more profoundly true that it hurts me.
ReplyDeleteI personally think that forgiveness is overrated - people want to get along, forgive, and let go of all past wrongs. The result? Usually, they get wronged again. An apology doesn't make the past evaporate. That's just me though, and I'm incredibly unforgiving.
ReplyDeletehey love. thank you for your sweet comment on my blog.
ReplyDeleteand YES i have been here. am here. it's so hard to push through that. press into god. he's comfort. so much comfort.
let him heal what you cannot.
xoxoxo