The Men in My Life

Over the weekend a friend was gracious enough to let me borrow her car while she went out of town. Transportational freedom! Even with all the snow Denver got blasted with over the weekend I was ever grateful to have a way to run some extra errands and meet with some people farther away.

However, on Friday I had a slight change of plans when the car battery died. I will spare you the details, but after several jumps, a new battery and enlisting the help of some awesome men I was back in good shape. As I came home Friday night I started thinking about the men in my life. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

For as long as I can remember I have always had a wealth of guy friends. Maybe it is because I have two brothers, or maybe that's just how I roll. I have blogged about some of my guy friends before, but today, I want to highlight two in particular. They usually go unnoticed, and are as humble as their male egos will let them be. These two are the "heroes" of my car conundrum over the weekend and definitely deserve a shout out.

Everyone, meet Chris. He is my baby brother. Well, he is nearly 21 and stands a good eight inches taller than me. In the last year or so he has taught me how to change a tire and how to jump a car. Honestly, I would much rather play the role of "damsel in distress" and have a guy do those things for me. But every time Chris makes me get out of the car and learn how to do it myself. I don't know if he sees it or not, but that tells me he loves me enough to not be totally helpless with car stuff. (Which I am...)  Chris has something special in store for his life and I cannot wait to see him discover it.

This is Devin. He is my oldest friend going all the way back to my Camp Id-Ra-Ha-Je days. He (and his dad) are the big heroes of the battery dilemma. When someone loves sports as much as Devin does and turns off the game to come help...believe me it does not go unnoticed. All four hours he and his dad were there, teaching me how to change a battery, knowing exactly what the issues were and well, just being awesome.  Many people don't understand why Devin and I are friends, but there's history there.  When you have shared enough of life together you can't just let them go.  Seriously, you should know Devin.  He is one of my favorite people in the world.  And, his family has single-handedly given me hope for restoration in family.  Go Team Howard!

As I talk to some of my girl friends most of us agree on one thing. Men (or one man in particular) are desired for times just like this. Someone to come to our rescue when we just don't know what to do. Sometimes I get upset because I don't feel like I can call my dad for help with cars, but I am constantly amazed at God's goodness for exactly where I am in life. More often than I care to admit I forget to thank God for the little things. I am never forgotten and He is always with me.

So thanks Abba Father for always having my back and sending some great men in my life to help me out when you just can't be there in person.


Photo Courtesy of 2heads_Advertising

Happy Birthday Lovely Lauren!

I have the best friend any girl could ask for and today she turns 25!  Lovely Lauren is an amazing woman of God and doesn't let me get away with anything.  We don't get to see each other all that often, but she is my soulmate.  I love you Lauren!  I wish we could curl up on the couch watching FRIENDS and throwing Teddy Grahams at each other.  But I guess you are old now, so time to be a grown up, right?

Now take a moment to reflect on the last seven years...because we also met January 10, 2004.

Annual Tradition!

Freshman year of college - 04/04

Keeping up with tradition

"The Herd" before life split us up - 12/05

Denver Zoo

We made a Build-A-Bear for Ben, stationed in Germany at the time

Having dinner in the Springs

12/06 - "The Herd" getting back together FINALLY

Whoever touches the nose first wins - 12/06

Loving on my new puppy Tucker - 11/07

Lauren's 23!  Ben drove into town to surprise her! 1/09

We're 24! Right before our "birthday piercings." 2/10

One last outing before I leave the country... 6/10

Saying goodbye one last time before Poland 6/10

No Small Affair

I was a "Wedding Virgin" until Liz asked me to be her Maid of Honor.  Ok well, I was a Junior Bridesmaid for my Aunt Pammy when I was ten...but I don't really count that.  Mike and Liz are very dear friends to me.  If it wasn't for death and breakups I doubt we would still be friends.  It is funny how the real stuff of life, the hard stuff, can either make or break relationships.  For me, Liz and Mike, it was a recipe for success.  All credit to them, they fought for my friendship.  

The first time I met Liz was the first time Mike's whole family met her, lunch after church.  She was a big surprise, no one expected to see Mike walk in with a girl.  It was a perfect "fly on the wall" moment. To just sit back and watch his family interact with this unexpected girl.  I still remember that afternoon ever so clearly, and I chuckle every time I think about the look on Mike's dad's face.  Classic.

After a LONG 19 months of wedding planning, they are off honeymooning in the Bahamas.  Glorious. 

I love weddings, always have.  When I was in between Jr. High and High School I became obsessed with them.  My head and heart were engulfed in the desire to be a bride.  One day to wear the most beautiful dress and walk toward a man that wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.  It was my one dream in high school.  To be a bride.


I bought the magazines, browsed TheKnot.com, gazed at wedding dresses.  I was all in.  I always told friends that if God hadn't called me to missions I wanted to be a wedding planner.  I loved weddings.  I planned out my "Big Day" to every last detail, except who would be waiting for me at the front of the church.  That was my big ?.

Somewhere along the way I lost my fervor for weddings.  The magazines got packed up in my mom's closet, the "Wedding Ideas" file got lost somewhere.  Chalk it up to maturing, heartbreak, reality or something else, but I didn't care any more.  Until Liz said, "I want you to be my Maid of Honor."

Planning a real wedding takes a lot of work.  Especially one like Mike & Liz's.  And I wasn't even in the country for the last six months!  Walking through the preparation process with these guys caused me to reflect on my old wedding obsession.  I wanted a wedding.  Not a marriage.  I wanted a big fancy white wedding.  I had no idea how to be a Godly wife.  Which I see now as God's provision.  Thanks God, you always know best.

This wedding, albeit very exciting, had me more nervous than most.  Mainly because it was a step back into my past.  I had no idea how I would handle being around my infamous "Ex" or being in my old church or simply just being at a wedding.  Do weddings mess with your head too?  Only by God's grace was my heart completely fine.  

Armed with my new confident attitude (so I am told by friends), knowing that I looked amazing in my dress, and the awesome Ben as my date, I set myself up for success.  And I had a blast dancing the night away with old friends and taking full credit for bringing a date with the most ridiculous dance moves.  Realizing that I don't want a big fancy white wedding.  My life is perfect right now exactly as God orchestrated it and anything different would be lame.

 

"Here's to the men that love us, the losers that lost us, and the lucky bastards that have yet to meet us!"

--

All photos courtesy of the amazing Sarah Christine Photography.  Seriously check her out.  Fun fact, she and I once dated the same guy...creepy and awesome all at the same time. 

People You Should Meet - Ben McKee

I wish Ben and I had a better story of how we met, but that doesn't seem to matter anymore.

I first met Ben last July when I was feeling lonely and about to walk into a particularly trying time at work.  I signed up for an online dating site and noticed Ben within a week.  It didn't take long for us to start talking via e-mail.

Ben and I hit it off right away.  One of those connections where I felt like we had known each other for years.  It was only a few days later before we met at one of our favorite coffee shops downtown.  Six hours later we decided to see a movie the next day.

As I got to know Ben I didn't know if he would turn into "something more,"  but I was convinced if anything he would become an amazing friend.

For the rest of the year our friendship developed very slowly.  A coffee here, a phone conversation a couple months later.  Every time we spoke I was deeply encouraged and challenged to become a better person or work on my relationship with God.  Ben was definitely in my life for a reason.

For my birthday Ben, along with our mutual friend, Eric, took me out for the evening.  They were very intent on making me feel special and loved on my birthday.  Success!  Beer sampling, Avatar and dinner.  What a awesome night.

He always made time to hear my heart and talk me through my discouragement with Poland.  My heart always felt more calm after a conversation with Ben.  One of these conversations led to him filming a video for me to use in sharing my heart for Poland.  All his idea, I just had to show up with my dance skills and a few friends.  Done and done.  Ben was a rockstar.

Making the video and all the time we spent together planning and executing it just deepened our friendship.  He has become this key part of my life that I am so grateful for.  I have never had someone be so skilled in de-stressing me when I am freaking out.  Always bringing me back to earth and gently reminding me that I am a child of God and everything will be ok.

Right now we are in the thrust of summer concert season and since we share a deep passion for many of the same bands this has been so much fun.  Free tickets to see Daughtry last month, the final Denver show for Meese and tomorrow, floor tickets to see OneRepublic.

I am having a lot of fun.  Ben simply knows how to make me laugh and feel safe and cared for all at the same time.  Who knows if it will ever turn into anything more, but for now.  I am ok with where we are at.  I would never want to compromise our friendship by trying to force a relationship.

If you ever have the chance to meet Ben, take it up.    Take a chance to pick his brain about the best beer (one of his passions) or where to find the best cold-pressed coffee in Denver.  You will learn more than you ever wanted to know!  Just stay away from the subject of recycling...just kidding.  He is from Oregon and his earth consciousness resembles that of a Boulder-ite.  Ben is great really, you should know him.

Success

It’s a rare occasion for me, this feeling. I cannot remember the last time this feeling came so strongly, but I am sure it has happened before. I am more familiar with the arch nemesis, but I could get used to having this feeling around.

The feeling of being set up to succeed.

More times than I care to admit I have felt as though I have been set up to fail. I have found myself floundering and not able to stand on my own two feet. Whether or not I was really being set up to fail is not relevant, I felt as though I was.

Now, things are different. I am constantly surrounded by dear friends who care that I do well in Poland. The resources and opportunities being handed to me completely free are astounding. Blessed. My heart feels blessed. What blows me away more is that people not only want to see me fly, they want to see me soar. I could probably do just fine with minimal resources in Poland, but no, I am gaining incredibly tools that will enable me to do so much more in Poland.

At the end of this week, if all goes well, my new website will be launched. A good childhood friend has been spending hours and hours getting me online and making sure that I have tools to reach beyond what I can do within a 24-hour day.

I have been invited by several friends and co-workers to share about what God is calling me to in Poland during church services. Every week I see more and more people get excited about Poland and what role they can play. With Poland being as big of a love in my life as it is I am almost speechless when someone shows interest in the country and people.

Poland is exciting, yes. However there is still a lot of apprehension in my heart about leaving my life in the states for something unknown halfway across the globe. Having this team of people come around me gives me comfort that I am not doing this alone and that no matter what I have people around me that care enough for me as a person to see me succeed. Wow.


Photo courtesy of COBRASoft

Broken Promises

Have you ever had one of those moments where you are sitting there and humanity surprises you. And not in the “people suck” kind of way, but in a way that gives you warm fuzzies and brings you hope?

June has been a whirlwind for me, I really haven’t had a good day off in about 4 weeks. Only a couple more days and I will be through this round of crazy and on to something less so. With the tornado of family events, crises, cardboard boxes, dumpster runs and numerous slices of pizza in the last month I have watched my stress level rise. Funny thing is, I didn’t realize it was rising, I wasn’t feeling the intensity of the stress. The only thing my body was feeling was sore muscles, sunburn and maybe a hint of a crush on a cute boy. *wink*

It is really no secret that I have not handled “love” in the best way since August. A huge part of my life was forced to die back in August and it has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I have received a lot of pushback recently on how I have handled myself in “letting go.” I get the hint that many are frustrated, which has been hurtful, but I keep to myself and really no one has any idea how frequently I miss Tim and the relationship we had. Oh well, I suppose life goes on.

Nearly a year later and my heart is beginning to mend. Even still I am finding dark corners in my heart that are home to more damage and heartbreak. In the middle of my living room surrounded by cardboard boxes I discovered another one of those corners. FEAR OF BROKEN PROMISES

Or maybe it is a lack of faith in people.

Saturday marked the day I would be moving out of my own apartment and into my parent’s home. I had lined up some trusty guy friends and their truck to help me haul my furniture. However, they were planning on hiking a 14er in the morning and there was a deep part of my gut that said they were going to back out because they were too tired. With no one else to help me, I was a little worried about what I would do if they decided they couldn’t help.

A phone call later two other friends offered to come over and help. Unexpected. They held the fort and hauled lots of boxes for about 2 hours until my car was full to the top. As they left, lo and behold the mountain climbing guys show up. :-) Not only did they haul all of my furniture from my 3rd floor apartment all the way to Evergreen, but they helped rearrange said furniture numerous times in and out of the kitchen as my family and I tried to figure out where everything would go. And they did it with loads of patience.

That evening I sat in my new “bedroom” and thought back on the day. I went into the weekend fully expecting everyone to fail me. I was prepared to be left abandoned to move all by myself.

Why couldn’t I trust that people would do what they said they would do? Why of all the people in my life do I expect this group of people to fail me most?

Heart and head still swimming, but I have a feeling that it has something to do with all the guys that have so epically failed me in the last 4 years or so. Maybe “epic fail” isn’t the right word for all of them. Maybe breaking an “epic promise.” It seems that little by little this wall has been built up around my heart and I can no longer trust that people will do what they say they will do. Especially if they are of the male persuasion. Well, that’s sucky, huh?

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that one of these mountain-climbing, furniture hauling guys has captured my attention recently. Maybe because of how my gut jumps in excitement when I see him I expect him to fail me.

Why is it so hard to trust that people will follow through. Yes, people are fickle creatures and they are bound to fail us sometime or another but if they fail us every single time and are constantly letting us down, then why are they still in our lives. If they are still a part of our lives then we must see something in them worth keeping. They must have something about them that causes us to trust them with little pieces of our hearts.

Maybe I should give them a chance. They may not be the people I had to leave in Golden, they people that I miss daily. But I cannot assume they will fail me, maybe I am cared for here and I really have made friends. Maybe I really am not as alone as I feel.


Photo courtesy of jazza