Moving On

This has been a long road, one that I moved along slowly making sure that I didn't rebound or rush into another relationship.  The process took me longer than many friends were willing to endure but it was just long enough.  There were many nights I spent frustrated and broken just wanting to forget.  Clinging to the hope that one day I would no longer miss him and that I would meet someone who blew my mind more than he did.

His memory never faded, but the feelings have been safely buried deep inside to where I don't feel them anymore.

This journey has not been without some shallow "crushes" on a few cute boys in my life.  I always knew they weren't the forever-type but it was nice to have someone to giggle about in the corners of my mind.  One crush in particular has lasted just over a year and that person was at the center of many of 2009's great moments.

Now, I try really hard not to be superstitious, but what happened on New Year's Eve has had me thinking for the last few days.

The guy I mentioned before invited me to spend New Year's Eve with him and his roommate skating at Evergreen Lake.  I was so thrilled that someone wanted to spend NYE with me!  I didn't want to get my hopes up about this night, but there was a part of my heart that wanted to be prepared in case something did happen.

Driving to meet him that night I was listening to the radio.  A song came on that took me back to my last relationship, the one I tried so hard to get over and move on.  My mind began to wonder if I was asked out tonight if I should say "yes."  Now I had originally settled on walking through that door if it was opened, but now I wasn't so sure.

Just three weeks before a dear friend said to me, "You two are perfect for each other, I don't see why you can't get back together."  I know she is right but I don't know what to do about it.

Now on what I thought was the verge of a new relationship I was wondering if I needed to hold out for a second chance with the man I used to love.

2 more songs played, each held a special meaning to that past relationship.  I pulled into the parking lot hearing, "It's not over...."

It's 2010 and I am still not certain that the old relationship is over and done with.  I really don't want to hold myself back by holding on but maybe the world doesn't want me to fully move on and forget.