Fifteen

About once a year I blow the dust off.  Turn the pages gently.  Read the scribbled writing.  Remember what it was like to be back in high school.

A few weeks ago I pulled out my old journals.  Usually I read them to remind myself that I have grown and matured since I was fifteen, but this time around it didn't make me feel better where I am at.  Instead I wished there were somethings I could tell fifteen year old me.  I know journeying through life is what makes us great, but here is a letter to Mallory, ten years ago.



Hey Love,


I admire your faith immensely.  How you fell in love with missions just a year ago and want to pursue it for the rest of your life.  Guess what, you make it!  It may seem impossible now, but you do get to live overseas.  It's not in South America, but somewhere so awesome.  It will become like home to you.  But I'm not going to give it away, you gotta wait and see where God takes you.


Ok, girlie, let's talk about boys.  I know they are your entire world right now.  And I know you are going to hate me for saying this, but let go a little bit.  You know some awesome guys right now that will raise your standards for men, be friends with them, but don't be upset when they don't fall head over heels for you.  Get what you can out of their friendship and  be grateful when your lives go different directions. You may think these guys are awesome, but you have no idea who you are going to meet after college.  They will rock your world.  Spoil you.  Teach you what it is like to be respected.  Make you laugh.  Just you wait.


You are going to make some big mistakes in the next few years.  You are going to struggle with failure and not being perfect.  It's ok hun, because you are going to learn some remarkable things about God in the process.  Those mistakes, those failures, are going to be the darkest times of your life, but they will inspire you to change the world around you.  I am not going to tell you how to avoid them, or to power through.  No, you need to hurt.  You need to break.  It is ok.  Cry.  Yell.  Be angry.  You will come out stronger.


I just want you to know that you are loved.  Life is not going to turn out the way you want it to right now.  It will be better because it will be exactly what God wants.  So chill out a little bit.  Put down the imaginary wedding planning.  Go read your Bible.  Don't stress so much about math class, life doesn't depend on getting A's in algebra.  Don't stop dancing.  Love your brothers, they are amazing.


Oh yeah, next summer you are going to work at Camp Id-Ra-Ha-Je again.  One of your coworkers, talk with him, get to know him.  He is going to become an important part of your life down the road.  :-)


You are beautiful and amazing.  Don't forget that.


Love, 25 year old Mallory

Success

It’s a rare occasion for me, this feeling. I cannot remember the last time this feeling came so strongly, but I am sure it has happened before. I am more familiar with the arch nemesis, but I could get used to having this feeling around.

The feeling of being set up to succeed.

More times than I care to admit I have felt as though I have been set up to fail. I have found myself floundering and not able to stand on my own two feet. Whether or not I was really being set up to fail is not relevant, I felt as though I was.

Now, things are different. I am constantly surrounded by dear friends who care that I do well in Poland. The resources and opportunities being handed to me completely free are astounding. Blessed. My heart feels blessed. What blows me away more is that people not only want to see me fly, they want to see me soar. I could probably do just fine with minimal resources in Poland, but no, I am gaining incredibly tools that will enable me to do so much more in Poland.

At the end of this week, if all goes well, my new website will be launched. A good childhood friend has been spending hours and hours getting me online and making sure that I have tools to reach beyond what I can do within a 24-hour day.

I have been invited by several friends and co-workers to share about what God is calling me to in Poland during church services. Every week I see more and more people get excited about Poland and what role they can play. With Poland being as big of a love in my life as it is I am almost speechless when someone shows interest in the country and people.

Poland is exciting, yes. However there is still a lot of apprehension in my heart about leaving my life in the states for something unknown halfway across the globe. Having this team of people come around me gives me comfort that I am not doing this alone and that no matter what I have people around me that care enough for me as a person to see me succeed. Wow.


Photo courtesy of COBRASoft