Growing Pains

Originally written Thursday, February 5th, 2009

In honor of my 23rd birthday coming next week I have compiled a list of the top 23 painful experiences that have made or are making me into the person I am today. I don’t write these out for you to feel sorry for me, or to brag about all the things I have been through. Rather I write this to share with you the experiences that I have been through that are making me who I am today. I am in the process of starting over my life and you can never know where you are going without knowing where you have been. So, without further ado, here are my 23 growing pains:

1. When I was in 4th grade my parents told me that I would not be going back to Marshdale Elementary for my 5th grade year. Instead they were going to homeschool me and my brothers. I hated my parents for 2 years after that.

2. When I was in 5th grade my first “boyfriend” decided to break up with me because I did not want to kiss him. He dumped me for another girl he had been making out with on the soccer field. We had been “dating” for 3 years.

3. When I was in 6th grade one of my friends was caught with drugs.

4. When I was in 7th grade my parents decided to go to a different church 30 minutes away. I had to make a whole new group of friends and lost many good friends in that process.

5. When I was in 8th grade there was a major shooting at Columbine High School killing 13 people. One of the victims went to church with me and was homeschooled his entire life until that year. I swore off public education after that event.

6. During middle school and high school I witnessed extreme conflict at home. I feared that one day my mom would commit suicide or my brother would murder me.

7. When I was 14 my grandfather died after battling the side effects of a stroke for 9 months. He was not a Christian and I didn’t want to believe in hell.

8. During my sophomore year I hit rock bottom emotionally. I was suicidal and eventually developed an eating disorder.

9. When I was 17 I moved halfway across the globe from my family and serious boyfriend. I didn’t come home for 6 months.

10. At 17 I broke up with my fiancé because I feared physical abuse in addition to the emotional abuse that was taking place.

11. My 18th birthday came with a sudden realization that my birthday was not my birthday to any one else. It was Valentine’s Day.

12. When I was 18 one of my friends from high school died in a tragic motorcycle accident.

13. When I was 18 my two best college friends had to leave school and moved far away.

14. During my sophomore year of college I lived with 2 awful roommates that had serious anger issues.

15. When I was 19 I discovered my boyfriend of one year had cheated on me with 4 other girls. I can’t remember being so angry in my life.

16. When I was 19 my mom was diagnosed with Bi-Polar after falling down on her way to take me to the airport.

17. When I was 20 one of my closest guy friends told me he liked me and then proceeded to go back with his ex who hated my guts. He and I haven’t really been friends since.

18. When I was 20 my dad took a job in New Mexico and he only came home once a month for a few days. My family has never been the same.

19. When I was 21 a very dear friend died of a heart attack, he was 47.

20. When I was 22 the love of my life broke up with me after 2 years because he didn’t want to get married.

21. Because of said breakup I lost most of my friends because I had to find a new church and new people to be with in order to try getting over my love.

22. When I was 22 my only hope, my puppy was attacked by another dog and almost died.

23. When I was 22 my wallet was stolen at a Polish train station leaving me feeling very violated in a place that used to be safe.